Want to watch Zero Punctuation ad-free? Sign-up for The Escapist + today and support your favorite content creators!
Their handling of their signature franchise has been like watching two blind sea urchins trying to get through their wedding night. Any half decent idea for a Sonic game in their hands is as much use as a professional grade drawing tablet at a finger painting class for baboons. I’ve said many mean things about Sonic Team in the past. And currently. And in the very near future, as well. Sonic Frontiers sucks balls. Well, hm. See, insofar as I look forward to anything, I was looking forward to Sonic Frontiers. Because my game reviewer gut instinct, forged over many years in the crucible of disappointment and cake, told me that open world design may well be the thing that finally makes 3D Sonic work. OR it’s going to totally suck balls and either case will at least be fun to write about. The actual result is a mixed bag, for whatever that’s worth, I mean, a bag of dogshit and a bag of dogshit and cake are equally hard sells. I’ve always hated the aggressive linearity of Sonic levels, the way they keep shooting me right off the stage because I pressed the stick wrong or didn’t press jump in time or didn’t enter an uncontrollable sequence of boosters and springboards with the right positive attitude or because it was a Tuesday.